Lately I have been remembering the past; first jobs, first crushes, first loves. I have been thinking about the person I am now, in the present, because of those past encounters. However, rembering the past with the good, I remember the bad. I remember all the first doctor appointments and tears shed in tiny rooms, naked in gowns, exposed not only physically but emotionally... at fourteen... sixteen.... eighteen...? But that's life. At least, that's mine.
I have been on the phone crying to the nurses explaining how miserable I am. "I can't keep anything down... not even water."
"Okay, well how long has this been going on?" she asked, cutting me off.
"It's my life..."
"- I need to know more than something other than it's 'your life.'... a couple days... a week?"
"Three years."
"...Three years..."
"Yes...three years..."
I said in between tears of frusteration and exhaustion.
I hope maybe I can get some IV fluids to keep me from passing out without having to take a trip to the ER or hospital. I hate being there. I'd rather be in my own bed if possible... but who knows what will happen though.
I wish I didn't have to battle this endless cycle. I wish I was a normal twenty three year old...but I suppose no one is normal.
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